worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
