and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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