I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
