its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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