The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize