before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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