He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
