i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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