bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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