she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
