The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize