At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
