I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the barista slut.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
