Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
