i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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