He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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