Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize