my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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