i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize