turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
