i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize