I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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