all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
