but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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