Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
