He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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