just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I touched a dick in church today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
