I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got chris browned last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize