Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
