I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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