i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
