drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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