she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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