Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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