I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
