ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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