I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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