just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
