Ketchup is God's man juice
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
