I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
