Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize