The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
