do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
