I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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