when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I did not marry a roomba.
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