I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
