i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize