My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
