I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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