Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
