Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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