so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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