I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
