How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
