Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
