I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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