Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My cat gives me a boner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
