You made me cry and you don't even care
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
