My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
