Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
