Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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