And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
