is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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