You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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