Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
