That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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