My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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