You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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