she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
