Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize