It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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